CDC Reports Epidemic in Williamsburg

The CDC (Centre du Dernier Cri) has issued a warning concerning an outbreak of communicable Hipititis in Williamsburg. The area of Brooklyn, located at the first subway stop out of Manhattan, has long been known as a fertile breeding ground for the spread of a particularly virulent form of the disease. Young adults between the ages of 20 and 30 seem to be most susceptible, though victims in their 40s are not unknown, (unfortunately, Hipititis in the older generation is less forgivable). Symptoms include: ostentatious dressing in second-hand clothing from overpriced vintage stores, affected posing with coffee, theatrical cynicism, an overaccumulation of funky accessories, heavy eye make-up (both genders), hats worn for "ironic dissonance."