Good Lord!

Disgusting at points but funny. Definitely not something to be viewed while at work. Enjoy!

God Bless Us, Everyone!

Seasons Greetings, from yours truly!

Yet another new name...

Roo Barrymore. When told I said that then maybe I'd head over to Hogs and Heifers and rip off my bra, too, I don't know if they really got the reference, or if they just took it as evidence that their teacher's a total freak.

Rudolph Tonight.

Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer is playing tonight on CBS. I was going to do a long bitch about how fucked up it is that this story was my favorite Christmas special, but I decided against it. When I see it now, it's just a sad show to watch. Santa's a selfish fascist and an asshole. Donner's horns melt in the first sequence. Mrs. Clause serves grey meat, the same color as the walls, at the dinner table. It's horrendous. The only saving grace is Hermie, the homo elf.

Intercepted from my students:

The following note was passed between two of my better students. Having seen their quizzes and tests, I know that they can write standard English quite well. Thus I find their use of IM shorthand very interesting. Bear in mind that these are two fairly typical ninth grade girls:

1: so did u hear that besides paige + gio there's ANOTHER couple that we kno? [I'm a bit surprised that of the ninth graders at the school, there's only one couple... but what do I, a silly teacher, know?]

2: rly now? who?

1: you DIDN'T hear? [Why didn't she just say "loser!"?] well... think about it. GIO's taken [Whoever he is, Gio's hot shit if he's in all caps], Michael's taken. so...

2: CHRIS??? [Now, I teach Chris and I can vouch for Girl 2's surprise, he doesn't seem to be ready for girls yet]

1: and who's the only grl we kno who would go out w/ him?

2: ANNA? [Jeez, Girl 2, you are just surprised by everything, aren't you?]

1: yup ˆ_ˆ lol, i was like oooo-k. [Damn, this is confusing shorthand! I think that's a smiley face, then "laugh out loud" and "I was, like, "okay"... but I could be wrong.] she asked him. duh. subway I think. ugh. it's like she's desperate or something.

2: that would b an impression ud get [Why do they abbreviate so much? It seems to be more confusing than economic.]

1: yeah... I would get that impression... lol [I really hate the whole "laugh out loud" thing, and it's all over the web... Arrgh!] Dylan's watching us [Dylan's also in the class although he's a tenth grader. He flunked out two years ago and has a really annoying attitude. He seems to spend most of his time figuring out ways to get me to pull my hair out rather than doing his homework. I'm very curious about where he'll end up in life.]

2: is he really? lol

1: anna ses she just suddenly realized he's really great + she likes him + all. [Oh, yeah... we're talking about Chris, not Dylan. Phew! I was worried for a minute, there.] BUT I happen to kno that gio ha--

At this point I intercepted the note, put it in my back pocket and threatened that I'd read it if they didn't focus on the work at hand. This is my standard reaction and it seems to work. I just wait until I get back to the office and then read them. I've intercepted scary ones before, such as the time that a couple of girls were discussing whether I'd look better in a tutu or a leopard-print body suit. Anyhow, I only get one of these notes every couple of months. This was one of the better ones.

Trader Joe's should be up for murder!

They've killed my diet with these! They're basically Oreos with peppermint... talk about De Lish Yuss!

The Students Have Given Me a New Nickname...

"Roo Bear." hmmm...

And We're Back...

Sorry for the long absence. I've been in drunken-party mode since the Democratic party took both houses. However, recent news has helped me to snap out of my revelries. And since I'll be going to visit my brother's family in Arizona for Christmas, I also wasn't too happy to hear they'll be testing the new scanners there. Guess this means I won't wear anything special when I travel this holiday season. (Oh, and don't click on that last link at work... unless you want to get "flagged" by internal security.)

Thank God it's almost Election Day...

Because I can't stand watching television with three, four political commercials in a row every commercial break... unless they're all this one:

You can see my house from up here!

Apparently that tiny speck of light to the left of Saturn is our own li'l ol' planet.

Adventures in Jury Duty

Spoiler: Jury Duty is Boring!

I realized last week that I'd lost my jury badge so I had to get a new one this morning. Thus, my first stop was to one of the city's offices, a brief but depressing glimpse into the civic bowels of New York City. It is so astonishing to me that for such a proud city, New York does not take care of its official spaces. The building must have been beautiful at one point in its history, but years of neglect have taken their toll. There were bundles of phone and internet cables running along the top and bottom of the once grand, solid oak wainscoting, with roach traps interspersed here and there. Next to me was a HEPA air filter, something which was no doubt added some time after 9/11. I looked below at the air vent beneath it, with a thick coating of dust on its grating, and wondered whether or not the air system has received any sort of maintenance since the attack. Judging by the condition of the rest of the room, it seemed doubtful. I began to wonder about the health of the employees when I was called up, issued my badge and sent off to the jury pool. I was one of the last to arrive and was pleasantly surprised that the jury pool room was much nicer. Clean, comfortable chairs, no bad smells... very tolerable. I was beginning to think that things wouldn't be so bad. I also began to think that there was a big difference between the jurors I was grouped with this time and the ones I've been with before. There was definitely a higher Fashion Quotient in this group, especially from those guys who ticked off my gaydar. (It's been a while since I lived in Chelsea and I forgot that any time you go out is an occasion to look FABULOUS!) So we sat around for about an hour. They showed an informational video about what to expect from the trial, who's involved, etc. The video was narrated by a rather young Diane Sawyer and all the actors had hair from the late 80's to early 90's, very When Harry Met Sally.

So finally we all get called into a two different trials. I'm in with this huge group of people and they call about twenty people into the jury box... the rest of us have to sit in the gallery. The attorneys get up and each say their piece. The first defense attorney gets up and Damn! if he's not the most boring speaker I've EVER had to listen to. And you know, I'm pretty sure that I've met him. Additionally, I'm considering telling the judge that his rumpled suit, poorly knotted tie, and collar-gone-askew might influence my ability to sit on this trial without bias. Also, my previous feelings about being on a jury have resurfaced. The potential jurors give their basic background, including education, and four of the potentials didn't even have a complete high school education. I'm appalled... and then appalled that I'm appalled. They excuse us for lunch, a rather long one, and when we get back we only spend about one hour in the court with another twenty of our group going through the ringer before they excuse us for the day.

The next day I return for a 9:30 starting time. I'm really loving the schedule and walking fifteen minutes to get to where I have to be makes me want to move to the Upper East Side. Those of us who are left have to wait out in the hall until we get called in. As I stand there I notice the really cool design of the doorknobs. I decide to snap a quick picture with my cell phone and as I position the phone a really scary female bailiff barks out "Hey! No pictures!" I apologize and comply when she tells me to turn off the phone. About ten minutes later she returns with her superior, apparently thinking that I need to be harassed a bit to ensure that my terrorist tendencies are firmly squelched. When he asks me why I wanted to take a picture of the doorknob I point out that it's really cool. As one of my colleagues pointed out, "You can't discuss design with those people." They realize I'm just a homo and not a terrorist and so they leave me alone... after telling me a third time that no pictures are allowed. Whatever. I take two pictures of other doorknobs around the building when I know I'm not being watched because the security people were such knobs.

So I finally get called in. I'm finally in the jury box. I'm finally being questioned about my fitness to judge a case. And now I'm also feeling really annoyed about the whole thing. I want to throw things at the attorneys for their repetitive questions. I register that I have some misgivings about being on the jury and am told to stay for further questioning. I air all my issues with the last jury I sat on, the flaws in the system, blah, blah, blah... Honestly, I think they only got rid of me for talking too much. So my group heads back to the jury pool room and lo and behold! everyone else has left for lunch. When we return the room is full. Within minutes the guy in charge tells us that he's gotten a call for a large number of jurors and so he's going to send us all up to another case. However, he still has to call us one at a time. For the next hour I sit as one by one the names are mangled and the jurors walk out to the hall. Cute-face-with-a-belly goes, hoochie momma goes, gramma goes... slowly, married-doctor-with-hot-bod goes, elegant-empress goes... Then he stops calling names. Nine of us sit there wondering what's going on. I wait a couple of minutes and then say, "Look, I'm not complaining but I thought you were going to call us all in. What's going on?" He tells me that he had more returns from the earlier groups and that they had all that they needed. Ten minutes later another court officer comes in to tell us that we're being

SET FREE!!!

And thus concludes my adventures in Jury Dutying.

Blogger won't let me post pictures!

And I was hoping to put up one of Charlie Rose as part of my celebrity sightings thing!

Last Night at the Theater...

Last night we took some time off to enjoy a preview of Mary Poppins... which has got to make me five of the gayest people you've ever met. We were expecting to have an excellent time, we'd heard so much about the scenery, the songs, everything. The New Amsterdam Theater, where Disney has put up the show, is a spectacular space that they've renovated beautifully (which you know if you've seen The Lion King). Everything was very promising... until the show started. Okay, it wasn't completely horrible, just boring. Really boring. I mean, we weren't going to walk out prematurely, but it just wasn't knocking our socks off. Anyhow, the second act begins and the kids have run away because the musical is nothing like the movie. Bert the chimneysweep is writing "welcome" on the sky, suddenly the kids run in, there's an exchange of excited words, they all run off stage and then, and then, nothing. There's a totally obvious lag of time and, just when the natives start to get restless, out pops a producer who tells us that they're having some technical difficulties. After seeking our patience he leaves us alone for about ten minutes. Finally, he comes out again and tells us that, sorry to say, they'll be refunding our money. So, only saw part of the show, but really don't care. Disney should get off Broadway because they clearly don't get it.

Not dead.

Sorry, just busy. In addition to writing my butt off on weekends there's the day job teaching. Then there's also the fact that I'm planning to attend the big professional conference right after the beginning of the year and I'm writing a proposal in hopes of convincing my employers to fork over the cash for my travel. As you can tell, I'm one busy muthafukka.

Kisses to all! I'll be back in bizness soon!

Will it be as big when he's "extreme"?

The new Tickle Me Elmo Extreme.... I'm sorry if I disappoint you, but this makes me laugh, especially when he rolls over onto his stomach and pounds the floor.

The Upside of Food Poisoning...

I can wear those formerly-too-snug khakis again!

This is a teensy gross...

I didn't sleep much last night. The BF and I went to our neighbor's apartment for dinner and were both stricken with a nasty bout of food poisoning. This morning I felt like Rocky had used my torso for training. After calling in to work and then sleeping some more I got up to veg out in front of the television, Martha Stewart. Wouldn't you know that today is the day that she visited Max Brenner, the new chocolate emporium on Union Square? There's something about watching fountains of melted chocolate when you've been sick all night that's just not right.

OH, NO!

Stunt performer from China... I have no other words... Other than, as far as I know, this picture has not been doctored.

Vacay! And better than Spring Break in Cancun!

Coming up at the end of the month I have a guaranteed day off! Jury duty! I can hardly contain myself. I just love jury duty! It's just like the zoo. Watching so many strangers pushed together for hours at a time makes you feel like Jane Goodall or something. Seriously, jury duty is the thing that totally brings out the elitist in me. It makes me cringe in every part of my being. I remember the first time that I was called to jury duty, while in college, and was appalled at the people who were assembled in the room. Everyone seemed like such a slack-jawed bottom-feeder, especially with the television's sad montage of game shows and soaps as the background soundtrack. I was just grossed out by those around me, and then I was angry with myself for being so arrogant and uncharitable. I think that that's the worst part of the whole experience, the fact that it brings me face to face with my own tendency towards being judgmental and critical, which so goes against my ideals of egalitarianism. The fact that the workings of the selection process are completely inscrutable doesn't help. I remember sitting for hours with a group of people who evoked active disgust in me, waiting to be "chosen" so that I could get on with business, and growing more and more frustrated that I was being passed over time after time. This frustration was compounded when, after lunch, more of the undead were brought in, making my chances at being called less certain. Last time I was called, five years ago, was just as frustrating, though for other reasons. It was clear that the man on trial was guilty (he shot another guy), but that he had the witnesses so scared that they weren't going to testify against him. It was infuriating because it was a huge waste of time for us, for them, and worst of all, I doubt that the guy who had brought the case to court is still alive. Jury duty shows you that this process which we hold so dear, which is one of the basic building blocks of our legal system, is so easily invalidated. It just invites so much doubt about society as a whole.

A couple of years ago I had the good fortune to go to a dinner at the Pierre hosted by a group of high-powered lawyers. It was while Clinton was president and the speaker was Ken Starr. It was a very odd evening. Firstly, Ken Starr was a replacement for I don't remember who. I just know that the guy who was supposed to be there was pivotal in negotiations in the peace process in Northern Ireland, that the situation had gotten dicey, and he'd had to pull out. Since the audience was supposed to be apolitical, the choice to invite Starr in his place was controversial. On a personal level, it was my ex's father's first time to bring his son's boyfriend to such a high-profile, public function. I felt very much on display. The same could be said about his (then) new wife, who was only four or five years older than I was. I suppose she had it worse. The host led everyone through a recital of the Pledge of Allegiance, leaving out "indivisible." I still wonder whether or not it was an accident. Starr's attempts at humor were, in my opinion, inappropriate. He mentioned the attention he was getting from the media, that reporters were camped out around his house, and said that his wife was calling it "the recent unpleasantness." To this, one of the guests at our table turned around and said, "Well, you made your bed...." Mr. Starr gave a remarkably good speech, the topic of which was jury duty and its relevance in today's society. It was such a surreal experience to hear this person speaking so clearly and convincingly about one topic, while knowing that he was actually the devil incarnate. One of the things he mentioned was how people always try to get out of jury duty, which conflicts with our idealization of jury duty as an institution.

Now I find myself contemplating Starr's words again, but then, I know why I want out of jury duty. I would love to fulfill my civic duty, but I want to do so in a clean, well-lit room, with people who bathe, read, and don't pick their nose in public. Is that too much to ask?

Okay, I have had a couple of moments to blog...

But really, what am I going to say? "The computer screen looks lovely set off against the moss green of the wall and nestled among the reference books and wires"?

There has been some news. I had a lovely Friday afternoon. As I was preparing to leave work I got a call from BebeMoche, who was in the neighborhood. We got together for some nice conversation in the park. Afterwards I headed over to the Met to check out how the renovations are coming along. While checking out the Greek Vases I came upon a tour group guided by one of my colleagues. I waited until she finished and we had a nice little chat until she had to head out. Afterwards, I wandered around, looking at the pottery from the Geometric Period... which made me a bit dizzy. I finished off the visit by heading over to the museum store and picking out books that I'm going to pick up once I get the chance.

My mother is with my aunt and uncle, fabulously traipsing around Italy until they attend a wedding in Tuscany. Mom's best friend has rented out a villa for her daughter's nuptials. I was invited to go which would have been AMAZING... but I have work.

Sorry for the lack of posts

..I'm still workin' my ass off.

BebeMoche Exposed!

Despite her claims to the contrary, BebeMoche has not been secluded away in Billings, Montana. Her location is much more likely to be 841 Broadway, she's probably just covering up her addiction.

There's not enough Ew in the world...

Speaking as one of those who call them "flying rats," I can say with certainty that I will never drink from an outdoor fountain again.

Who Am I?

Am I Sisyphus rolling the rock up the hill? Am I the princess with the huge-ass pile of hay to spin into gold? Am I the crazed captain chasing a whale? No. I'm a frickin' grad student with a dissertation that is SO CLOSE to being done that I'm spending every day in front of this frickin' computer with no frickin' outside frickin' life whatsofrickin'ever.


Ahh... Thanks for letting me vent.

By the Way...

I LOVE my classes this year! I mean, right now I do. I've got great groups of kids in every class. I'm a bit dismayed as I correct the first quizzes of my nines, but I have high hopes for the rest nonetheless. I suppose that it helps that I feel much better prepared for this year. I mean, I've been able to plan the tens' year since last spring and I'll be teaching the author who's been the topic of my dissertation. I have all these side topics planned, supplementary materials at hand, projects prepared... it's all good. I just hope that the students find it as interesting as I do.

I Get Up So Early...

I haven't been able to see Meredith Viera's first week on The Today Show! Ah, well. Silver Lining. Especially when you watch Jon Stewart's take on it.

You know, I get the distinct feeling that Matt Lauer is an arrogant prick. I can't really point to a specific moment, but there were numerous times that I'd be watcing in the morning and I'd just feel like the things he would say to Katie and others were just not right. Something tells me that Katie misses him like a herpes outbreak.

Burned Crocker

The village curmudgeon has decided that my existence is offensive. I have no idea what I've done to piss off said curmudgeon, and after two honest attempts at finding out what it might be I no longer care. It took me a couple of days to realize that the curmudgeon is truly a curmudgeon and usually hates at least five people on the faculty at any given time. So I finally took the hint and decided to leave him be. Today, after I pointedly didn't acknowledge him in a situation which made it socially obligatory, he has finally deigned to initiate friendly conversation. But now, knowing that he'll become rude and anti-social without provocation or warning, why would I want to have friendly conversation with him?

Do I sound bitter?

Dude, Where's My Class List?

Yes, it's been our first full week and still no definite class list. I'm reasonably certain about who's in my classes, but the fact is that I still can't begin my gradebooks... which means that it's difficult for me to begin grading. It leads me to believe that BebeMoche's boss has been doing some side work, consulting on our scheduling issues.

Should you have some extra cash and want to indulge your inner or outer geek...

Check out the latest to go on the auction block at Christie's.

So Sorry to Leave You in Suspense...

...but that was Clay Aiken! Clay Aiken! Can you frickin' believe it? He looks almost normal!

Who is it?

I'll give you a clue... it's not Jared Leto, even though he may look like him.

Lovely day...

or at least, it looked like it from the window. I only got as far as the lobby to pick up the mail today, didn't go outside at all. Just me and the computer... all.. frickin'...day. God, I'm boring.

BTW, how annoying is it that the video's been taken off YouTube?

Weatherman Bugs Out

I just want to know whether or not they were recording a segment or if this went out live. 'cuz if this was broadcast live, then I don't know what to say, aside from GURRRLL!. Seriously, have some decorum. You're frickin' televised so try not to fulfill any unfortunate stereotypes. Thanks.

Classes Start Tomorrow...

...and still no change in the class list situation. Frickin' ridiculous.
But I do think that I have the list of rooms where I'll be teaching... emphasis on think.

Classes Start in Two (2) Days

and I still don't have a final schedule of classes, lists of students, room numbers... Someone's going to lose their job over this one.

The Daily Bitch about Morning News

Today the "Top Story" on CBS' Morning Show was "the new information on Steve Irwin and testimonials from friends with insight into the fascinating life of this extraordinary man." C'mon, you'd think Donald Trump had lost his life while saving babies and puppies from a terrorist attack!

RIP Steve Irwin, "Croc Hunter"

This morning the news was rife with eulogies for Steve Irwin who died after being struck by a stingray's barb in the chest. Friends and colleagues praised the way he brought attention to environmental and ecological problems. I just remember him as that frickin' insane guy who used to do the nature shows where he would get too close to crocodiles and other dangerous predators, wait until the moment they lunged, and then jump out of the way last second... like Jackass in the Outback. And who can forget the time he pulled a Michael and Blanket, standing with his newborn mere meters in front of a feeding crocodile? And then walked the infant like a puppet next to the croc?



I never once got any sort of message about treating animals or the environment with any respect. In fact, when I was nine and used to do something similar with my dog, holding a biscuit for him just out of reach and yanking it away when he jumped, my dad would get on me for teasing the dog. Still, I just feel horrible for the guy's family. It sounds like a wretched way to go.

BebeMoche mocks the European Space Agency

Just because they didn't check wikiHow on moon landings...

Vinnie Barba-homo

John Travolta kissing a man... on the lips... and they're not acting. The National Enquirer "broke" the story, which is like having the scoop on the fact that Bush isn't really a Texan. I've read plenty about Travolta's "alleged" connection with a former gay porn star and blah, blah, blah. Honestly, I couldn't give a shit. I mean, why has this guy ever been interesting? I mean, Look at him! Do you want him? I sure as hell don't!


By the way, if you happen to have five minutes you don't mind squandering or if you're feeling constipated and need something to give an extra push, be sure to check out his fine literary foray, Propeller One-Way Night Coach: A Story, Travolta's own masturbatory praise of pilots and actors. Yes, he has a pilot's license... though if he flies as well as he acts, I'll wait for the next plane, thank you.


PS: I really wanted to post a picture of John Revolta from Welcome Back, Kotter, but I couldn't find a decent one.

From the To Do List

The big-ass, all-out, full-city tomato fight in Bunol, Spain... if I could only be, like, 25 again.

ugh, morning news

The summer is coming to a close which means that soon I'll be molding young minds again. It also means that I'll have to drag myself out of bed before 9am (three hours before, actually) and will most likely be watching the morning news shows. This morning, thanks to my required presence at a faculty meeting,* I got a taste of what's to come. On the BBC World News was an informative run down of: the conflict in Sri Lanka, Kofi Annan's visit to Israel, legislation concerning Chinese sweatshops, and the notice that Google may soon offer classics of English Literature available for free download. And that was within the first fifteen minutes. Then I got the idea to compare our own morning news programs and see what they were running between 8am and 8:30. Good Morning America, once they had covered the SUV hit-and-run in San Francisco, had a segment titled Moms Make it Work which was all about how moms don't have to have an office job anymore in order to have a career. They can now work from home selling time shares or counseling people who need to improve their credit. Of course, this kind of job is great for moms, military spouses, the disabled. (Men? No way.) The Today Show had a segment called Today Throws a Wedding, a series they've done for several years now in which an engaged couple have every aspect of their marriage voted on by Today's viewing audience, cake, rings, the bride's dress, the honeymoon location, everything. They were in the process of choosing the happy pair by having them play The Nearly-Wed Game.

I've gotta agree with BebeMoche, aren't the media, our primary source of information, concentrating on the wrong things? And how can we possibly get our media to focus on things that affect us and matter? Perhaps I'm just thinking about this all the wrong way. After all, network television and most magazines are just shiny things to attract our attention long enough for advertisers to wave something in front of us. It's like the hypnotist's swinging watch leading us to a suggestive state. I suppose that it's the responsibility of the concerned citizen to be active and seek out more reliable sources of information. It would just be nice if those sources were as conveniently available as network television.

Yes, I know I've bitched about this before.

* It actually wasn't a full faculty meeting, it was only a small group of volunteers working on a specific issue our school wants to solve. I was concerned about the meeting since there are two people involved, each of whom I consider to be a consummate pain in the ass. Having one of them involved is problematic enough, having them both... whatever! They spent the entire time trying to one-up each other and prove each other's idea less worthy. Their ideas were never mutually exclusive, but they couldn't let each other's ideas stand without trying to tear them down. It was so fucking tedious.

Warning...

Don't read this with a full bladder, you might pee your pants laughing.

---

Isn't it nice that thy Lord is a capitalist Lord who shall endow thee with fine ideas of entrepeneurship for the enrichment of thyself in this bedeviled, materialistic plane before thou shallst enter into the kingdom of Heaven?

Many thanks for all your help...

but we didn't get it. The BF's pilot started out strong enough to make a showing and then dropped way down. Still, we don't know exactly what's going to happen. During the late morning the BF got an email from the people running the contest who said that they're going to run an investigation on the voting. Apparently they suspect that several of the contestants were using a program to juice their votes. We'll see what happens.

Voting Day!

Today's the day the BF's pilot is up for public consideration! So hit every computer in your office, or better, make it your summer intern's morning project, and vote for his pitch, My Big, Fat, Gay Uncles/ Say Uncles at the New York Television Festival's website. Call your friends, your family, your clients and have them, their assistants, their summer interns vote! And don't forget, once you vote you will feel a warm, tingly feeling so it's totally worth it!

---

By the way, the voting is one day only, until midnight Pacific Daily Savings Time. So you have until 2:59am if you're on the East Coast! (But don't put it off, of course.)

Make a Child's Dream Come True! Accrue Good Karma! Be a Good Samaritan!

My significant other, the BF, and his writing partner are semi-finalists in a television pilot pitch contest! Woot! Woot! Their show is My Big, Fat, Gay Uncles/ Say Uncles. Thousands of entries have been whittled down to fifty semi-finalists, and the BF's is one of them. Now, voting has been turned over to the general public. Here's your opportunity to help him win the contest! Just go to New York Television Festival's website and vote for his pitch, My Big, Fat, Gay Uncles/ Say Uncles. Easy Peasy! And if you do this from every computer in your office, I guarantee that your luck will dramatically improve within ten days. You don't even have to believe in it! Just vote, please.

Creepy Comics...

Check this For Better or Worse strip out, it's a little odd. No, it's not the sort of site where you stare at it and then Regan's face from The Exorcist pops out at you. It's much more subtle and not at all scary. Actually, it's kind of cute.

As far as I know, it only works with Tuesday's strip.

From the WTF file

A restaurant in India has recently opened, sporting a Nazi theme. Apparently, the owners just wanted "different," something that people wouldn't forget. The owner, Punit Shablok, said "We are not promoting Hitler. But we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different." I'm not quite sure what to say to this... I think it's just another example of why people never cease to shock the crap out of me. I know that I've had some lapses in judgment which have led to some nasty social gaffes, but I've never quite achieved this level of thoughtlessness.

---

BTW, the India Times website is like jiffy pop with the pop-ups... you've been warned.

Absinthe!

Wow! Tonight the BF and I went with a small group of friends to see Absinthe down by the South Street Seaport. It was basically a very English Cirque de Soleil with a little less glitz and a lot more humor and skin. The setting's an intimate, little tent with a bar. We were well seated with an excellent view in a booth next to the bar. I wouldn't have expected to like a show which is so circusy, but I really loved it. From the first pair who balanced on one another, I was in awe. During the trapeze act I was so mesmerized I forgot to applaud, though she surely deserved it. I was just amazed that bodies can do what these performers made them do! It was a seriously good show... somewhat tacky and tasteless, but seriously good. If you get the chance, get your ass down there and see this show!

Sandra, uncut, uncollagened

Check this out. It's the original version of Sandra Bernhard's MAC web-commercial. I think that it's something like a lip plumper... I'm not sure, ask BebeMoche or the BF (who has acted as her cosmetics consultant). Honestly, I'm not a super-Sandra fan. I mean, she has made me laugh like crazy and other times she's just so much that she's annoying. However, listen to what she says just before the video hits the minute mark.



Her comments about a "thin-lipped Republican bitch" have been cut from the version of the video now found on the MAC website. The original version is interesting since MAC's parent company Estee Lauder (AKA Beasty Slaughter) is so very right wing but is not above selling their principles by portraying themselves as lefties to make a dollar. (Just trust me on this. Or you could read Estee Lauder's autobiography.) Ms. Bernhard seems to have a similar relationship to her principles. Hmmm... maybe I'm just being a bit harsh and sententious.

And yes, I did have a moment with Ms. Bernhard several years ago. I was reading in the window of a Starbucks in Chelsea when I became aware of somebody looking at me from outside. It was Sandra B. I don't know who she thought I was but she had this "What the fuck?" look on her face. I looked for a few moments, got bored, and went back to reading. I guess she left.

Celeb sighting! (not really)

Guess who I (didn't) see (not) walking along 10th Ave with(out) a cell phone held to her ear, (not) saying, "Look! I've got the Germans on my ass and I want you to take care of it!"

Germany vs. Madonna

Madonna will be performing in Berlin, not just before her adoring fans but also for government officials. During part of her show she stands before a cross as if being crucified, wearing a crown of thorns, singing "Live to Tell." The Germans are going to ensure that she offends nobody's religious beliefs in doing so. I just want to know what they plan on doing. Are they going to shut down the show if they feel a twinge? Are they going to make a case to sue her later? Or maybe this is the genius plan of someone who works for the government and just wanted to get front row tickets but woke up too late to get them online?

Surprise, he's an asshole.

No doubt you've heard that the Iranian president, Ahmadenijad, has his own blog. I haven't read it, nor do I plan to, I don't think that I'd be interested in reading any politician's blog... but that's not the point. The thing is that apparently, if you access his blog with an Israeli IP address, the blog sends your computer a virus. Talk about petty. Will the Israelis retaliate with a deluge of spam which blocks up Iranian networks? Is this the warfare of the future?

From the "Dogs and Owners Look Like Each Other" File...

BuddyCrocker didn't use Spell Check!

Call for Public Support

BebeMoche will be traveling for the next two weeks through some of the "less interesting" parts of the country. One of her stops will be a place that sounds a lot like "misery." I'm sure that offers of moral support will be appreciated.

Scientists to Excommunicate Planet!

Scientists are gathering in Prague to decide on the definition of a planet. Pluto might be excluded due to its size and distance from the sun... well, that and something even larger has been discovered further out. But doesn't this just seem like the cheerleaders and jocks ganging up on the geeky kid? I mean, c'mon! Pluto's not hurting anyone! Leave him alone!

Mike Douglas, TV icon, dead

Apparently he had been golfing with some friends a week or so ago and got dehydrated. His death was a surprise. Okay, honestly, Mike Douglas was before my time. But my parents and grandparents loved his show. Me, I only remember watching his show one time with my grandmother. Mike and his guests were gathered around a piano and singing songs which might describe being in a crowded elevator, songs like "Close To You," "Cheek to Cheek," etc. My grandmother suddenly grew agitated and said, "I don't believe it! Mike Douglas is getting them all from the piano player!" Sure enough, we watched as the pianist repeatedly whispered in Mike Douglas' ear and immediately afterwards Mike presented them to the other guests as his own. Everyone else went along and pretended that Mike was the essence of wit. My grandmother was so offended and disgusted that I doubt she ever watched his show again. For me, it was just a lesson about the entertainment industry which was valuable to learn early on.

She's from Salt Lake City...

...need I say more?

Publicity Monkeys Caught Flinging Feces Again

Wyeth Pharmaceutical's latest ad campaign has the following statistic as a selling point:

"According to a recent survey by the National Institute of Mental Health, over 70% of people on anti-depressants don't know that they have options for the symptoms they're still experiencing."

In other words, "Our products don't do what you buy them to do... so just buy more."

....allegedly.

BebeMoche goes Oprah

BebeMoche has an article linking to how our military is getting rid of people who are gay, despite their honorable service and a crucial need for their services. Both are interesting articles, ('course, I'm biased), and it doesn't hurt that the guy who's been discharged ("honorably") is yummy-lish (more bias and prejudice on my part). The guy was a translator whose service was apparently well decorated. Just how foolish his discharge is might be clear from the following. A couple of years ago I attended a conference for teachers of foreign languages. One of the speakers was a representative from the State Department who was in charge of the government's facilities for language instruction. It was a pretty annoying talk, actually, since he recounted all the reasons why language educators failed.* However, one thing that I remember clearly about his spiel was him encouraging us to direct our gifted students to the State Department, since there was this dire and desperate the need in the intelligence community for people with a gift and talent for languages to help with immense amount of material. So here our military is getting rid of someone whose services they desperately need simply because there's another asshole who can't deal with his being different. Feel the love.


*I find this particularly annoying because everybody forgets how to solve complex trig functions or why and when the Magna Carta was signed or the imagery and structure of John Donne's poetry within a few years of school, unless they become mathematicians or historians, etc. Yet, nobody would criticize the teachers or consider it a "failure" that the knowledge is lost. Our brains also operate on the "use it or lose it" principle. But people seem to think that since we all talk, all the time, then learning a different language should just happen... like you should be able to learn the words and fluency is yours. This, despite the fact that everybody has difficulty with foreign language and when we encounter someone who has a gift for it we are always impressed. Everyone acknowledges how difficult it is to learn a language which is not your own, but if people can't do it then it must be the teacher's fault. Okay, rant complete. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Tourist season...

Apparently, the sharp rise in gas prices hasn't prevented some from traveling to the City, including someone who rarely leaves Florida.

Actually, when I was in Belize earlier this year we took a couple of boat rides and saw a number of manatees. Usually all you saw was what looked like a dog's nose poking out of the water, but occasionally we saw them as they flipped to dive down. Pretty much just big, blubbery bags with poochy snoots. In fact, I believe that's the scientific name for them, too.

Helen Keller could have seen this one coming...

all that I've been saying about Iraq and civil war? It's the lead on Huffington Post.

Tinky Winky, SpongeBob, now even on Sesame Street...

the homosexuals continue to try to brainwash our children! (Okay, to be fair, she's supposed to be a girl, but c'mon. Tell me that there's not going to be some sort of right-wingnut backlash.)

Suri exists!

Eye witness accounts confirm, the mystery child has actually been born! I mean, I wouldn't trust Jada or Leah or Penelope, but I'm CERTAIN that BebeMoche is telling the truth!

PropheticCrocker

Back in March, on the 20th, I remarked that if the mess in Iraq (which we brought about) were recognized as a civil war that it would provide us with an excellent excuse to get out (like shameless dogs) and leave the mess for the Iraqis to solve (now that we've made it impossible for them to do so). Well, it certainly looks like we're edging towards that definition.

Another freaky occurrence...

My friend and I were strolling around Chelsea as we were getting reacquainted today. He'd asked me about one of my ex's, basically the first guy I ever got really hung up on who was the big one in my life before I moved to New York. I told him how he had contacted me once a couple of years ago when he was in town, how we'd had a really awkward meeting that just felt wrong, and how we hadn't had any contact since then despite the fact that I've been back to San Francisco regularly. We get one half a block further, and there he is. We stop, we chat, we do the same, awkward bullshit. Then my friend and I continue on, marveling at the workings of the universe.

A Very Good Day.

So the concert didn't happen... I mean, it did but the BF and I didn't go. The idea of waiting a couple of hours under the sun was enough to evaporate the BF's enthusiasm. As for my part, I met up with an old friend and we began to reconnect. After I wrote my last entry I began to reflect on how things had gone wrong between us. I realized that I had severed ties with him when I wasn't really thinking correctly about life. I mean, my complaints weren't invalid, but I didn't have all the facts. I decided to go this morning with an open mind and to communicate as honestly as possible about how I'd seen things between us. In the end, I was rewarded. In some ways, it's as if no time at all has passed, though obviously it has. But we spent hours catching up, telling each other where our lives were, just reconnecting. It was really, really good and I'm so thankful that I stopped to talk him last Monday evening.

And that's about as mushy as I'm going to get here.

BTW, my friend has appeared in previous stories, the most important being from April 16th, after BebeMoche decided I wasn't pulling my blog weight.

Looks like we like the French again...

Frickin' ridiculous...

Here comes the weekend...

Busy, busy weekend coming up... or not. Tomorrow a group of people is heading to Central Park for a free concert, which I will be going to as well. The concert starts at 3pm, but I have a morning appointment with a former friend. We haven't spoken in something like five years and we ran into one another Monday evening when I was returning home from the party. I have mixed feelings about our getting together. I had my reasons for ending our friendship and I'm not entirely sure that I want to renew it. Still, he and I have a lot of history, since high school, so I felt it was only fair to give things a chance.

On a lighter note, I encountered a link to this from Craigslist while randomly wandering through blogger's pages. It's probably not right for viewing at work, depending on where you work, and it's crude in a Fat-Bastard-from-Austin-Powers way, but it's damn funny. Apparently, Craigslist is expanding from jobs, apartments, and used crap... you can now locate really hard to find items there now.

Did You Know...

I love history, not so much the big events as the little elements of daily life. There's something intriguing in learning the historical context that gave rise to something like the child's rhyme "Ring Around the Rosie," which I'd learned was based on the bubonic plague of the Elizabethan era. (Apparently, I was mistaken.) I recently came across this, which explains the origins of the rhyme, "Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary." Icky, but interesting.

Get a Whiff of Me!

This evening a friend of mine had a little get together at his apartment... hosted by Olympia Dukakis! The whole celebrity magnet thing is just getting seriously out of hand! And no, BebeMoche, I will not conjure up your suggestion, thank you. (Could you have found a worse picture of him?) Here's what happened. A friend of mine is writing a musical set to go up in the New York Musical Theater Festival this fall. The party was a little food and wine get together, complete with live entertainment, to introduce the work to potential backers. The BF and I had both been invited, since the writer is the BF's writing partner. However, the BF has been sluggish all day and weepy in the way that guys can be when they get sick. However, he'd already spoken with our friend and told him that we'd help with the party. I pretty much spent the evening pouring drinks rather than chatting with Olympia, but still, it was a good evening. My friend was very appreciative and everyone knew that I was a volunteering guest, I met some cool people, listened to an amazing performace of some of the songs from the musical, ate some yummy food... all in all, I had a lot of fun.

Question...

Is there really any difference between The Onion and Weekly World News? (I mean aside from the fact that The Onion is distributed for free.) The stories in Weekly World News are just as crazy as anything in The Onion, and vice versa. We all know that those who write for The Onion are presenting something satirical. How about the people at Weekly World News? Are they presenting a joke or do they think they're pulling the wool over fools' eyes? Are they? Do people who buy Weekly World News think it's "true"? Or do they buy it ironically? Have I just been an arrogant asshole for years, seeing Weekly World News at the grocery store and thinking that people who by it are a bunch of sad, stupid fools? Have I completely misjudged the sophistication and urbanity of the American public? Weekly World News just might be the real BlackPeopleLoveUs.com. Of course, come to think of it, when you read the letters sent to BlackPeopleLoveUs, there are plenty of people who don't get the irony there, too.

Last Summer in Paris...

We'd rented a centrally located apartment and were catching up with friends, enjoying the city and food, relaxing and detaching from the stress of our New York lives, all that. One day I headed over to the Louvre, intending to collect some photos to use in my classes. I had a bit of a problem, however, with the tourists. It seemed that every time I turned around there were other people getting into my pictures! Check out this one, for example! I've concealed the identity of those involved, on the off chance that they might be people who might visit this site by chance. But seriously, how can I use this for my class?

Day out with the BF and Lu

Today was a bit of a laid back day. There was the trip to see the friend's apartment, the Chris Noth sighting at Trader Joe's, and entertainment provided by the BF. We were passing by J&R and I stopped everyone to tell them the following. About two months ago I met up with some friends who were visiting from San Francisco. We'd gone to Vlada and had had a good time. The space was nice, the crowd was whatever, Allison Mack from Smallville was there. Lord knows, she's not a big girl, but for some reason she looked like she had a belly. She was also a bit sloshed and was so gushy about her brand new best friend. Anyhow, I hopped the subway back home but, of course, the lines were all fucked up. I ended up walking back home from the Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall station. Still, it was a nice evening so I didn't mind walking the extra five, ten minutes. As I passed by the J&R electronics store, I saw something brown and squirmy in the window. Yes, it was a large, large rat on the guard's podium, sniffing at the first aid kit and the phone. Personally, I kind of like rats and this one had personality. As I snapped a couple of pictures with my phone it sniffed at me through the window, tried to climb the phone's cord and tried to get into the first aid kit. My photo shoot made a couple stop to watch as well. Anyhow, flash forward to today... I was telling the BF and Lu and showing them the pictures when the BF decided that the folks who work at J&R had to know. He grabbed my phone, marched into the store and accosted the first employee he encountered. We watched through the window as he showed it to the first one, who called over others, pointed to the place where the picture was taken, called over others, and others... the entire staff must have seen them. When the BF finally emerged we asked what they had said. "They want us to bring prints," was the answer. They'll have to wait until tomorrow, but you can see it today. Ladies and gents, I give you the J&R rat!

Still not a boy blog!

The BF pointed out that my inclusion of the Chris Noth story had the potential to keep this blog on Boy-Watch status. But c'mon... as attractive as he may be, Mr. Noth is no "boy." And I wasn't pointlessly drooling over him. I had an encounter and I thought it merited blogging because of the overall context of recently frequent celebrity sightings.


But I must say that Mr. Noth looks very good. Lu and the BF thought so as well.

BuddyCrocker = Celeb Magnet!

I am telling you: I am on FIRE! Today, the BF and I head up with our friend Lu to see her newly renovated apartment. It's fantastic, two full walls of exposed brick, two fire places, windows up the yin yang, they did a beautiful job in the bathrooms and the kitchen's going to be amazing... very, very nice. Afterwards, we headed over to Trader Joe's to stock up. It wasn't nearly as insane as you'd expect but still a healthy amount of people there. I get in line as the BF continues to pick up stuff from around the store and who should push his cart into line behind me, looking very good in khakis, an off white polo (with a carelessly turned collar) and ray bans, telling me that he was crazy to come to Trader Joe's on a Saturday?




You know, maybe this is my mutant power! Maybe I should start using this in a more directed manner... you know, like concentrating on Bin Laden so that I call in the Feds and get the reward money... or maybe I could summon Elvis and prove to everyone that he's really dead (or alive)... I mean, this has to have a useful application, right?

And with this, it's over.

From here on, this ceases to be a boy-blog.

How could you not consider him some serious hunkage?

I mean, even with the silly hair, he still looks good.

Tell me she's not about to melt the flesh off his face with her super-seering eye rays of death!

File under WTF

How stupid/drunk do you have to be so that you don't know how the cell phone ended up lodged in your throat?

JitteryCrocker...

Okay, I've been blogging about celebs and all sorts of BS because I've totally had my head in the sand. Because, holy fuck! all this that's happening between Israel and Hezbollah is some scary-ass shit! Israel thinks that it's got the international green light for war? We're rushing bomb deliveries to Israel? And now, the rest of the Arab world is rushing to support Hezbollah? Alfredo! Do I have a right to the stain in my shorts over this alignment of forces against one another? Doesn't this all look very, very bad?

Must... be... strong!

Tomorrow Miami Vice opens. However, I refuse to go see a movie simply because the star is absolutely smokin' hot. Maybe I'll go see Scoop instead.

He just might be too hot to handle...

It's an interesting theory and one which curiously fits into our nation's sexaschizophrenia.

No Celebrity Sightings Today.

Ho hum. Looks like my streak is over. sigh.

Check this out!

Matrix Ping Pong.

Thank you, David!

More stalking.

Guess who I saw this afternoon, walking up Park Ave. South, looking like she needs a sandwich and dressed just like Cammie D in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle?

addendum to the Colin Farrell sighting

I feel compelled to note, having seen Mr. Farrell on The Today Show this morning and having learned that he went through rehab recently, that he wasn't dropping off the wagon. Let the record show that he was drinking coffee... or maybe tea. Whatever it was was in a coffee cup. So unless he was drinking Bailey's or something, he was staying strong.

By the way, in no way am I a starfucker. I think it's owing to something my Dad said to me when I was very young. When I was less than eight, my family drove down to Disneyland. I don't remember much about the trip but I guess had fun. My Dad always loved to tell this story that I had been so mesmerized by everything that I didn't eat all day. This was a concern since you know how kids get cranky if they don't eat. Anyhow, late in the day we went to the burger place in Tomorrowland and I was really excited about getting the burger and my parents were relieved that they were finally about to get some food in me. I was just on the verge of taking my first bite out of the burger when the floor opened up and a band rose up playing dance music. I was so amazed I ate nothing. But that's not the point. The thing I do remember about the day is being on Tom Sawyer Island and seeing McLean Stevenson.

M*A*S*H was in its first seasons and was the Friends of its time.

I recognized him from the television and watched as people mobbed him and his family. I remember him looking very exasperated and trying to move along but there were too many people for him to get anywhere. My father said to me, "That poor man. He just wants to have a good time with his family and nobody will let him just because of the job he has." That really stuck with me, seeing the celebrity as just another person and someone who probably wants to be left alone. Since then, I've seen numerous famous people, spoken with some of them, and have never really cared.

However, something is different about seeing Colin Farrell. Once I got home and found out that he was going to be on Letterman, I wanted to watch it. Once I found out that he was going to be on this morning, I wanted to watch that. I saw the clip from the movie and the thought ran through my head, "I think I might go see that." Then I realized, Colin Farrell must be demonspawn! He must have some Faustian deal with Satan which lures mere mortals to spend money which eventually ends up in his pockets! Either that or he has some sort of extra-terrestrial pheremones which spark the expense response and makes regular humans want to spend money which eventually ends up in his pockets! No, wait! I bet he's worked some gypsy curse which bewitches the rest of us into spending money which eventually ends up in his pockets! I mean, it can't be me. I'm not impressed by how yummy-cute he is or how charming he is when he's talking to Matt Lauer or how naughty he is. It must be that he's a demonic, alien gypsy-boy!

Excuse me, I have to go spend some money now.

So we're having drinks at the Mandarin Oriental...

Mom and I, just knockin' beers back and enjoying the view when my cute-guy radar goes off. I look over, the guy looks like he's got a serious trashy streak, white button down that's a bit too open at the throat, very big and blingy, silver thingy on his wrist, ridiculous white mesh, newsie cap turned backwards. Just plain laughable. He looks a bit familiar though, even if I can't quite place him... until he, the two young women teetering on too-high heels in too-short minis, and the oversized muscle guy with the swept back, shoulder length hair all get up to leave. Then I recognize him...

Possibly best ever...

Possibly the best cake ever, made possible by BebeMoche and Cupcake Cafe.

merci beaucoup, BebeMoche!

Loved it!

Wednesday Mom and I took advantage of Restaurant Week at Butter. The space, converted from Belgo which closed years ago, is interesting but somewhat contrived. The trollop who showed us to our table was tackier than the wedding gift Liberace gave to Sigfried and Roy. However, the food was transcendant! I loved it! Mom loved it! The goat cheese tart started it off nicely, but the hanger steak with a cabrales sauce was unbelievable! The caramel chocolate mousse which finished off the meal was amazing! And all for $24.07! I love Restaurant Week!

Then, in the evening, we went to the movies.

Mom convinced the BF and me to go see The Devil Wears Prada, a movie was I expecting not to see until video/DVD or whatever. It's worth seeing for Meryl Streep alone.

Her execution of a heartless but brilliant and fabulous media queen has just the right amount of Cruella DeVille, Marie Antoinette, and Darth Vader. Stanley Tucci is fantastic, Emily Blunt is hilarious, Anne Hathaway does a fine job, but it's all about Meryl. The bohemian friends are ridiculous, happily they're barely in the movie. Unfortunately, that bland kid who plays the boyfriend with the bobble-head and bad hair is in the movie way too much. Ignore them. The movie is just fun, spectacular to watch, and has the morally uplifting ending required to warm your delicates. A very good show!

Leaving the theater, we were surprised and puzzled by a sequence of loud blasts. We soon realized, however, that there was a fireworks display going on in Battery Park City We walked over and saw them through to the end. They were really very well done and an excellent way to end the evening. Mom was especially happy since she'd missed seeing fireworks on the fourth and she felt like these were as good as any she'd seen. It was the perfect way to end the day.

Ha!

Can't blog... Mom's in town.

Evidemment...

le blogging est impossible en France!

Mom always says that it's a bad day if you don't learn something new...

And in the same spirit as that bit of wisdom I'm sharing some opportunities to help you continue to expand your horizons. I've already blogged about In Our Time on BBC Radio and Scientific American's podcast. But recently by browsing the iTunes store I discovered that UC Berkeley is offering a small number of its spring courses on a webcast page. So if you're interested in US Foreign Policy After 9/11 or maybe Animal Behavior or even Existentialism in Literature and Film, you can work your brain while commuting, while jogging, whatever. Very cool!

They also have an events page which has a number of guest speakers and other events held on campus. I really hope that, come fall, they post the Sather Lectures.

Speaking of stinking up, Thrillist proves itself pointless

The two guides to fun life that I use have been DailyCandy.com and Thrillist.com. DailyCandy, while geared primarily to women, has excellent recommendations for food, drink, and culture. They have never let me down. Thrillist, however, proves that its audience is meat-heads with money. Their latest newsletter has put to rest any doubts I might have about whether or not they will ever provide me with anything useful.

Movie night stinks up entire apartment...

It's no secret that the BF likes his movies... he's kind of a cineholic. But the latest he rented, a remake of a Sharon Stone "classic," just did not quite measure up. Stylish? Check. Well shot? Check. Believable dialogue? Ha! I've heard better written snappy banter from other cinematic masterpieces...