Adventures in Jury Duty

Spoiler: Jury Duty is Boring!

I realized last week that I'd lost my jury badge so I had to get a new one this morning. Thus, my first stop was to one of the city's offices, a brief but depressing glimpse into the civic bowels of New York City. It is so astonishing to me that for such a proud city, New York does not take care of its official spaces. The building must have been beautiful at one point in its history, but years of neglect have taken their toll. There were bundles of phone and internet cables running along the top and bottom of the once grand, solid oak wainscoting, with roach traps interspersed here and there. Next to me was a HEPA air filter, something which was no doubt added some time after 9/11. I looked below at the air vent beneath it, with a thick coating of dust on its grating, and wondered whether or not the air system has received any sort of maintenance since the attack. Judging by the condition of the rest of the room, it seemed doubtful. I began to wonder about the health of the employees when I was called up, issued my badge and sent off to the jury pool. I was one of the last to arrive and was pleasantly surprised that the jury pool room was much nicer. Clean, comfortable chairs, no bad smells... very tolerable. I was beginning to think that things wouldn't be so bad. I also began to think that there was a big difference between the jurors I was grouped with this time and the ones I've been with before. There was definitely a higher Fashion Quotient in this group, especially from those guys who ticked off my gaydar. (It's been a while since I lived in Chelsea and I forgot that any time you go out is an occasion to look FABULOUS!) So we sat around for about an hour. They showed an informational video about what to expect from the trial, who's involved, etc. The video was narrated by a rather young Diane Sawyer and all the actors had hair from the late 80's to early 90's, very When Harry Met Sally.

So finally we all get called into a two different trials. I'm in with this huge group of people and they call about twenty people into the jury box... the rest of us have to sit in the gallery. The attorneys get up and each say their piece. The first defense attorney gets up and Damn! if he's not the most boring speaker I've EVER had to listen to. And you know, I'm pretty sure that I've met him. Additionally, I'm considering telling the judge that his rumpled suit, poorly knotted tie, and collar-gone-askew might influence my ability to sit on this trial without bias. Also, my previous feelings about being on a jury have resurfaced. The potential jurors give their basic background, including education, and four of the potentials didn't even have a complete high school education. I'm appalled... and then appalled that I'm appalled. They excuse us for lunch, a rather long one, and when we get back we only spend about one hour in the court with another twenty of our group going through the ringer before they excuse us for the day.

The next day I return for a 9:30 starting time. I'm really loving the schedule and walking fifteen minutes to get to where I have to be makes me want to move to the Upper East Side. Those of us who are left have to wait out in the hall until we get called in. As I stand there I notice the really cool design of the doorknobs. I decide to snap a quick picture with my cell phone and as I position the phone a really scary female bailiff barks out "Hey! No pictures!" I apologize and comply when she tells me to turn off the phone. About ten minutes later she returns with her superior, apparently thinking that I need to be harassed a bit to ensure that my terrorist tendencies are firmly squelched. When he asks me why I wanted to take a picture of the doorknob I point out that it's really cool. As one of my colleagues pointed out, "You can't discuss design with those people." They realize I'm just a homo and not a terrorist and so they leave me alone... after telling me a third time that no pictures are allowed. Whatever. I take two pictures of other doorknobs around the building when I know I'm not being watched because the security people were such knobs.

So I finally get called in. I'm finally in the jury box. I'm finally being questioned about my fitness to judge a case. And now I'm also feeling really annoyed about the whole thing. I want to throw things at the attorneys for their repetitive questions. I register that I have some misgivings about being on the jury and am told to stay for further questioning. I air all my issues with the last jury I sat on, the flaws in the system, blah, blah, blah... Honestly, I think they only got rid of me for talking too much. So my group heads back to the jury pool room and lo and behold! everyone else has left for lunch. When we return the room is full. Within minutes the guy in charge tells us that he's gotten a call for a large number of jurors and so he's going to send us all up to another case. However, he still has to call us one at a time. For the next hour I sit as one by one the names are mangled and the jurors walk out to the hall. Cute-face-with-a-belly goes, hoochie momma goes, gramma goes... slowly, married-doctor-with-hot-bod goes, elegant-empress goes... Then he stops calling names. Nine of us sit there wondering what's going on. I wait a couple of minutes and then say, "Look, I'm not complaining but I thought you were going to call us all in. What's going on?" He tells me that he had more returns from the earlier groups and that they had all that they needed. Ten minutes later another court officer comes in to tell us that we're being

SET FREE!!!

And thus concludes my adventures in Jury Dutying.

Blogger won't let me post pictures!

And I was hoping to put up one of Charlie Rose as part of my celebrity sightings thing!

Last Night at the Theater...

Last night we took some time off to enjoy a preview of Mary Poppins... which has got to make me five of the gayest people you've ever met. We were expecting to have an excellent time, we'd heard so much about the scenery, the songs, everything. The New Amsterdam Theater, where Disney has put up the show, is a spectacular space that they've renovated beautifully (which you know if you've seen The Lion King). Everything was very promising... until the show started. Okay, it wasn't completely horrible, just boring. Really boring. I mean, we weren't going to walk out prematurely, but it just wasn't knocking our socks off. Anyhow, the second act begins and the kids have run away because the musical is nothing like the movie. Bert the chimneysweep is writing "welcome" on the sky, suddenly the kids run in, there's an exchange of excited words, they all run off stage and then, and then, nothing. There's a totally obvious lag of time and, just when the natives start to get restless, out pops a producer who tells us that they're having some technical difficulties. After seeking our patience he leaves us alone for about ten minutes. Finally, he comes out again and tells us that, sorry to say, they'll be refunding our money. So, only saw part of the show, but really don't care. Disney should get off Broadway because they clearly don't get it.

Not dead.

Sorry, just busy. In addition to writing my butt off on weekends there's the day job teaching. Then there's also the fact that I'm planning to attend the big professional conference right after the beginning of the year and I'm writing a proposal in hopes of convincing my employers to fork over the cash for my travel. As you can tell, I'm one busy muthafukka.

Kisses to all! I'll be back in bizness soon!

Will it be as big when he's "extreme"?

The new Tickle Me Elmo Extreme.... I'm sorry if I disappoint you, but this makes me laugh, especially when he rolls over onto his stomach and pounds the floor.

The Upside of Food Poisoning...

I can wear those formerly-too-snug khakis again!

This is a teensy gross...

I didn't sleep much last night. The BF and I went to our neighbor's apartment for dinner and were both stricken with a nasty bout of food poisoning. This morning I felt like Rocky had used my torso for training. After calling in to work and then sleeping some more I got up to veg out in front of the television, Martha Stewart. Wouldn't you know that today is the day that she visited Max Brenner, the new chocolate emporium on Union Square? There's something about watching fountains of melted chocolate when you've been sick all night that's just not right.

OH, NO!

Stunt performer from China... I have no other words... Other than, as far as I know, this picture has not been doctored.

Vacay! And better than Spring Break in Cancun!

Coming up at the end of the month I have a guaranteed day off! Jury duty! I can hardly contain myself. I just love jury duty! It's just like the zoo. Watching so many strangers pushed together for hours at a time makes you feel like Jane Goodall or something. Seriously, jury duty is the thing that totally brings out the elitist in me. It makes me cringe in every part of my being. I remember the first time that I was called to jury duty, while in college, and was appalled at the people who were assembled in the room. Everyone seemed like such a slack-jawed bottom-feeder, especially with the television's sad montage of game shows and soaps as the background soundtrack. I was just grossed out by those around me, and then I was angry with myself for being so arrogant and uncharitable. I think that that's the worst part of the whole experience, the fact that it brings me face to face with my own tendency towards being judgmental and critical, which so goes against my ideals of egalitarianism. The fact that the workings of the selection process are completely inscrutable doesn't help. I remember sitting for hours with a group of people who evoked active disgust in me, waiting to be "chosen" so that I could get on with business, and growing more and more frustrated that I was being passed over time after time. This frustration was compounded when, after lunch, more of the undead were brought in, making my chances at being called less certain. Last time I was called, five years ago, was just as frustrating, though for other reasons. It was clear that the man on trial was guilty (he shot another guy), but that he had the witnesses so scared that they weren't going to testify against him. It was infuriating because it was a huge waste of time for us, for them, and worst of all, I doubt that the guy who had brought the case to court is still alive. Jury duty shows you that this process which we hold so dear, which is one of the basic building blocks of our legal system, is so easily invalidated. It just invites so much doubt about society as a whole.

A couple of years ago I had the good fortune to go to a dinner at the Pierre hosted by a group of high-powered lawyers. It was while Clinton was president and the speaker was Ken Starr. It was a very odd evening. Firstly, Ken Starr was a replacement for I don't remember who. I just know that the guy who was supposed to be there was pivotal in negotiations in the peace process in Northern Ireland, that the situation had gotten dicey, and he'd had to pull out. Since the audience was supposed to be apolitical, the choice to invite Starr in his place was controversial. On a personal level, it was my ex's father's first time to bring his son's boyfriend to such a high-profile, public function. I felt very much on display. The same could be said about his (then) new wife, who was only four or five years older than I was. I suppose she had it worse. The host led everyone through a recital of the Pledge of Allegiance, leaving out "indivisible." I still wonder whether or not it was an accident. Starr's attempts at humor were, in my opinion, inappropriate. He mentioned the attention he was getting from the media, that reporters were camped out around his house, and said that his wife was calling it "the recent unpleasantness." To this, one of the guests at our table turned around and said, "Well, you made your bed...." Mr. Starr gave a remarkably good speech, the topic of which was jury duty and its relevance in today's society. It was such a surreal experience to hear this person speaking so clearly and convincingly about one topic, while knowing that he was actually the devil incarnate. One of the things he mentioned was how people always try to get out of jury duty, which conflicts with our idealization of jury duty as an institution.

Now I find myself contemplating Starr's words again, but then, I know why I want out of jury duty. I would love to fulfill my civic duty, but I want to do so in a clean, well-lit room, with people who bathe, read, and don't pick their nose in public. Is that too much to ask?

Okay, I have had a couple of moments to blog...

But really, what am I going to say? "The computer screen looks lovely set off against the moss green of the wall and nestled among the reference books and wires"?

There has been some news. I had a lovely Friday afternoon. As I was preparing to leave work I got a call from BebeMoche, who was in the neighborhood. We got together for some nice conversation in the park. Afterwards I headed over to the Met to check out how the renovations are coming along. While checking out the Greek Vases I came upon a tour group guided by one of my colleagues. I waited until she finished and we had a nice little chat until she had to head out. Afterwards, I wandered around, looking at the pottery from the Geometric Period... which made me a bit dizzy. I finished off the visit by heading over to the museum store and picking out books that I'm going to pick up once I get the chance.

My mother is with my aunt and uncle, fabulously traipsing around Italy until they attend a wedding in Tuscany. Mom's best friend has rented out a villa for her daughter's nuptials. I was invited to go which would have been AMAZING... but I have work.