Taking Care of Mom.

I've flown back to the San Francisco Bay Area in order to spend time with my mother who's recovering from recent surgery. She's not yet well enough to be completely on her own, but she is well enough to indulge in all of her old, annoying "mom" habits. She has a bit of difficulty getting around so I've told her that I'll do things around the house that need to get done. And yet, she doesn't ever say outright exactly what she wants. This leaves me to play a sort of cat and mouse guessing game with her. She wants something, but she doesn't want to impose on me so she hints at it. For example, yesterday we're shopping at Trader Joe's and there's a pile of fresh blueberries in pint boxes. She remarks, "Oh! Blueberries! Those look good!" So I ask, "Should we get some?" To this she answers, "Well, it might be nice to make a pie..." I get it and say, "Well, if you want to make a pie we can. How many blueberries should we get?" She says, "Oh, I think two pints should be enough." I pick up the blueberries and off we go. Today, as I'm preparing lunch, she says, "Are you going to defrost the pie crust?" Note the expertise with which she has taken the assumption, the imperative, that I will be making the pie myself and imbedded it into a seemingly innocent question about the status of the pie crust. Knowing exactly what's going on, I ask, "Why would I be defrosting the pie crust?" To this she asks, all wide-eyed wonder, "Well, I thought you were making the pie today." To this I reply that at no point had I volunteered to make the pie but that I would be happy to do so if that's what she wants. After she squirms for a bit she finally affirms that yes, she would like me to bake the pie.

Honestly, I really feel for my mom. I can see a life time of habits in her that I would love for her to break. She has the hardest time speaking her mind openly and honestly since she doesn't want to be a bother. And no amount of discussion with her is helping her to see that the only bother is trying to decode what she does say. I'm hoping that she'll get past the hinting, but I guess that it'll be fine if she doesn't. She's still Mom.