Coming up at the end of the month I have a guaranteed day off! Jury duty! I can hardly contain myself. I just love jury duty! It's just like the zoo. Watching so many strangers pushed together for hours at a time makes you feel like Jane Goodall or something. Seriously, jury duty is the thing that totally brings out the elitist in me. It makes me cringe in every part of my being. I remember the first time that I was called to jury duty, while in college, and was appalled at the people who were assembled in the room. Everyone seemed like such a slack-jawed bottom-feeder, especially with the television's sad montage of game shows and soaps as the background soundtrack. I was just grossed out by those around me, and then I was angry with myself for being so arrogant and uncharitable. I think that that's the worst part of the whole experience, the fact that it brings me face to face with my own tendency towards being judgmental and critical, which so goes against my ideals of egalitarianism. The fact that the workings of the selection process are completely inscrutable doesn't help. I remember sitting for hours with a group of people who evoked active disgust in me, waiting to be "chosen" so that I could get on with business, and growing more and more frustrated that I was being passed over time after time. This frustration was compounded when, after lunch, more of the undead were brought in, making my chances at being called less certain. Last time I was called, five years ago, was just as frustrating, though for other reasons. It was clear that the man on trial was guilty (he shot another guy), but that he had the witnesses so scared that they weren't going to testify against him. It was infuriating because it was a huge waste of time for us, for them, and worst of all, I doubt that the guy who had brought the case to court is still alive. Jury duty shows you that this process which we hold so dear, which is one of the basic building blocks of our legal system, is so easily invalidated. It just invites so much doubt about society as a whole.
A couple of years ago I had the good fortune to go to a dinner at the Pierre hosted by a group of high-powered lawyers. It was while Clinton was president and the speaker was Ken Starr. It was a very odd evening. Firstly, Ken Starr was a replacement for I don't remember who. I just know that the guy who was supposed to be there was pivotal in negotiations in the peace process in Northern Ireland, that the situation had gotten dicey, and he'd had to pull out. Since the audience was supposed to be apolitical, the choice to invite Starr in his place was controversial. On a personal level, it was my ex's father's first time to bring his son's boyfriend to such a high-profile, public function. I felt very much on display. The same could be said about his (then) new wife, who was only four or five years older than I was. I suppose she had it worse. The host led everyone through a recital of the Pledge of Allegiance, leaving out "indivisible." I still wonder whether or not it was an accident. Starr's attempts at humor were, in my opinion, inappropriate. He mentioned the attention he was getting from the media, that reporters were camped out around his house, and said that his wife was calling it "the recent unpleasantness." To this, one of the guests at our table turned around and said, "Well, you made your bed...." Mr. Starr gave a remarkably good speech, the topic of which was jury duty and its relevance in today's society. It was such a surreal experience to hear this person speaking so clearly and convincingly about one topic, while knowing that he was actually the devil incarnate. One of the things he mentioned was how people always try to get out of jury duty, which conflicts with our idealization of jury duty as an institution.
Now I find myself contemplating Starr's words again, but then, I know why I want out of jury duty. I would love to fulfill my civic duty, but I want to do so in a clean, well-lit room, with people who bathe, read, and don't pick their nose in public. Is that too much to ask?
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