From the To Do List

The big-ass, all-out, full-city tomato fight in Bunol, Spain... if I could only be, like, 25 again.

ugh, morning news

The summer is coming to a close which means that soon I'll be molding young minds again. It also means that I'll have to drag myself out of bed before 9am (three hours before, actually) and will most likely be watching the morning news shows. This morning, thanks to my required presence at a faculty meeting,* I got a taste of what's to come. On the BBC World News was an informative run down of: the conflict in Sri Lanka, Kofi Annan's visit to Israel, legislation concerning Chinese sweatshops, and the notice that Google may soon offer classics of English Literature available for free download. And that was within the first fifteen minutes. Then I got the idea to compare our own morning news programs and see what they were running between 8am and 8:30. Good Morning America, once they had covered the SUV hit-and-run in San Francisco, had a segment titled Moms Make it Work which was all about how moms don't have to have an office job anymore in order to have a career. They can now work from home selling time shares or counseling people who need to improve their credit. Of course, this kind of job is great for moms, military spouses, the disabled. (Men? No way.) The Today Show had a segment called Today Throws a Wedding, a series they've done for several years now in which an engaged couple have every aspect of their marriage voted on by Today's viewing audience, cake, rings, the bride's dress, the honeymoon location, everything. They were in the process of choosing the happy pair by having them play The Nearly-Wed Game.

I've gotta agree with BebeMoche, aren't the media, our primary source of information, concentrating on the wrong things? And how can we possibly get our media to focus on things that affect us and matter? Perhaps I'm just thinking about this all the wrong way. After all, network television and most magazines are just shiny things to attract our attention long enough for advertisers to wave something in front of us. It's like the hypnotist's swinging watch leading us to a suggestive state. I suppose that it's the responsibility of the concerned citizen to be active and seek out more reliable sources of information. It would just be nice if those sources were as conveniently available as network television.

Yes, I know I've bitched about this before.

* It actually wasn't a full faculty meeting, it was only a small group of volunteers working on a specific issue our school wants to solve. I was concerned about the meeting since there are two people involved, each of whom I consider to be a consummate pain in the ass. Having one of them involved is problematic enough, having them both... whatever! They spent the entire time trying to one-up each other and prove each other's idea less worthy. Their ideas were never mutually exclusive, but they couldn't let each other's ideas stand without trying to tear them down. It was so fucking tedious.

Warning...

Don't read this with a full bladder, you might pee your pants laughing.

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Isn't it nice that thy Lord is a capitalist Lord who shall endow thee with fine ideas of entrepeneurship for the enrichment of thyself in this bedeviled, materialistic plane before thou shallst enter into the kingdom of Heaven?

Many thanks for all your help...

but we didn't get it. The BF's pilot started out strong enough to make a showing and then dropped way down. Still, we don't know exactly what's going to happen. During the late morning the BF got an email from the people running the contest who said that they're going to run an investigation on the voting. Apparently they suspect that several of the contestants were using a program to juice their votes. We'll see what happens.

Voting Day!

Today's the day the BF's pilot is up for public consideration! So hit every computer in your office, or better, make it your summer intern's morning project, and vote for his pitch, My Big, Fat, Gay Uncles/ Say Uncles at the New York Television Festival's website. Call your friends, your family, your clients and have them, their assistants, their summer interns vote! And don't forget, once you vote you will feel a warm, tingly feeling so it's totally worth it!

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By the way, the voting is one day only, until midnight Pacific Daily Savings Time. So you have until 2:59am if you're on the East Coast! (But don't put it off, of course.)

Make a Child's Dream Come True! Accrue Good Karma! Be a Good Samaritan!

My significant other, the BF, and his writing partner are semi-finalists in a television pilot pitch contest! Woot! Woot! Their show is My Big, Fat, Gay Uncles/ Say Uncles. Thousands of entries have been whittled down to fifty semi-finalists, and the BF's is one of them. Now, voting has been turned over to the general public. Here's your opportunity to help him win the contest! Just go to New York Television Festival's website and vote for his pitch, My Big, Fat, Gay Uncles/ Say Uncles. Easy Peasy! And if you do this from every computer in your office, I guarantee that your luck will dramatically improve within ten days. You don't even have to believe in it! Just vote, please.

Creepy Comics...

Check this For Better or Worse strip out, it's a little odd. No, it's not the sort of site where you stare at it and then Regan's face from The Exorcist pops out at you. It's much more subtle and not at all scary. Actually, it's kind of cute.

As far as I know, it only works with Tuesday's strip.

From the WTF file

A restaurant in India has recently opened, sporting a Nazi theme. Apparently, the owners just wanted "different," something that people wouldn't forget. The owner, Punit Shablok, said "We are not promoting Hitler. But we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different." I'm not quite sure what to say to this... I think it's just another example of why people never cease to shock the crap out of me. I know that I've had some lapses in judgment which have led to some nasty social gaffes, but I've never quite achieved this level of thoughtlessness.

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BTW, the India Times website is like jiffy pop with the pop-ups... you've been warned.

Absinthe!

Wow! Tonight the BF and I went with a small group of friends to see Absinthe down by the South Street Seaport. It was basically a very English Cirque de Soleil with a little less glitz and a lot more humor and skin. The setting's an intimate, little tent with a bar. We were well seated with an excellent view in a booth next to the bar. I wouldn't have expected to like a show which is so circusy, but I really loved it. From the first pair who balanced on one another, I was in awe. During the trapeze act I was so mesmerized I forgot to applaud, though she surely deserved it. I was just amazed that bodies can do what these performers made them do! It was a seriously good show... somewhat tacky and tasteless, but seriously good. If you get the chance, get your ass down there and see this show!

Sandra, uncut, uncollagened

Check this out. It's the original version of Sandra Bernhard's MAC web-commercial. I think that it's something like a lip plumper... I'm not sure, ask BebeMoche or the BF (who has acted as her cosmetics consultant). Honestly, I'm not a super-Sandra fan. I mean, she has made me laugh like crazy and other times she's just so much that she's annoying. However, listen to what she says just before the video hits the minute mark.



Her comments about a "thin-lipped Republican bitch" have been cut from the version of the video now found on the MAC website. The original version is interesting since MAC's parent company Estee Lauder (AKA Beasty Slaughter) is so very right wing but is not above selling their principles by portraying themselves as lefties to make a dollar. (Just trust me on this. Or you could read Estee Lauder's autobiography.) Ms. Bernhard seems to have a similar relationship to her principles. Hmmm... maybe I'm just being a bit harsh and sententious.

And yes, I did have a moment with Ms. Bernhard several years ago. I was reading in the window of a Starbucks in Chelsea when I became aware of somebody looking at me from outside. It was Sandra B. I don't know who she thought I was but she had this "What the fuck?" look on her face. I looked for a few moments, got bored, and went back to reading. I guess she left.

Celeb sighting! (not really)

Guess who I (didn't) see (not) walking along 10th Ave with(out) a cell phone held to her ear, (not) saying, "Look! I've got the Germans on my ass and I want you to take care of it!"

Germany vs. Madonna

Madonna will be performing in Berlin, not just before her adoring fans but also for government officials. During part of her show she stands before a cross as if being crucified, wearing a crown of thorns, singing "Live to Tell." The Germans are going to ensure that she offends nobody's religious beliefs in doing so. I just want to know what they plan on doing. Are they going to shut down the show if they feel a twinge? Are they going to make a case to sue her later? Or maybe this is the genius plan of someone who works for the government and just wanted to get front row tickets but woke up too late to get them online?

Surprise, he's an asshole.

No doubt you've heard that the Iranian president, Ahmadenijad, has his own blog. I haven't read it, nor do I plan to, I don't think that I'd be interested in reading any politician's blog... but that's not the point. The thing is that apparently, if you access his blog with an Israeli IP address, the blog sends your computer a virus. Talk about petty. Will the Israelis retaliate with a deluge of spam which blocks up Iranian networks? Is this the warfare of the future?

From the "Dogs and Owners Look Like Each Other" File...

BuddyCrocker didn't use Spell Check!

Call for Public Support

BebeMoche will be traveling for the next two weeks through some of the "less interesting" parts of the country. One of her stops will be a place that sounds a lot like "misery." I'm sure that offers of moral support will be appreciated.

Scientists to Excommunicate Planet!

Scientists are gathering in Prague to decide on the definition of a planet. Pluto might be excluded due to its size and distance from the sun... well, that and something even larger has been discovered further out. But doesn't this just seem like the cheerleaders and jocks ganging up on the geeky kid? I mean, c'mon! Pluto's not hurting anyone! Leave him alone!

Mike Douglas, TV icon, dead

Apparently he had been golfing with some friends a week or so ago and got dehydrated. His death was a surprise. Okay, honestly, Mike Douglas was before my time. But my parents and grandparents loved his show. Me, I only remember watching his show one time with my grandmother. Mike and his guests were gathered around a piano and singing songs which might describe being in a crowded elevator, songs like "Close To You," "Cheek to Cheek," etc. My grandmother suddenly grew agitated and said, "I don't believe it! Mike Douglas is getting them all from the piano player!" Sure enough, we watched as the pianist repeatedly whispered in Mike Douglas' ear and immediately afterwards Mike presented them to the other guests as his own. Everyone else went along and pretended that Mike was the essence of wit. My grandmother was so offended and disgusted that I doubt she ever watched his show again. For me, it was just a lesson about the entertainment industry which was valuable to learn early on.

She's from Salt Lake City...

...need I say more?

Publicity Monkeys Caught Flinging Feces Again

Wyeth Pharmaceutical's latest ad campaign has the following statistic as a selling point:

"According to a recent survey by the National Institute of Mental Health, over 70% of people on anti-depressants don't know that they have options for the symptoms they're still experiencing."

In other words, "Our products don't do what you buy them to do... so just buy more."

....allegedly.

BebeMoche goes Oprah

BebeMoche has an article linking to how our military is getting rid of people who are gay, despite their honorable service and a crucial need for their services. Both are interesting articles, ('course, I'm biased), and it doesn't hurt that the guy who's been discharged ("honorably") is yummy-lish (more bias and prejudice on my part). The guy was a translator whose service was apparently well decorated. Just how foolish his discharge is might be clear from the following. A couple of years ago I attended a conference for teachers of foreign languages. One of the speakers was a representative from the State Department who was in charge of the government's facilities for language instruction. It was a pretty annoying talk, actually, since he recounted all the reasons why language educators failed.* However, one thing that I remember clearly about his spiel was him encouraging us to direct our gifted students to the State Department, since there was this dire and desperate the need in the intelligence community for people with a gift and talent for languages to help with immense amount of material. So here our military is getting rid of someone whose services they desperately need simply because there's another asshole who can't deal with his being different. Feel the love.


*I find this particularly annoying because everybody forgets how to solve complex trig functions or why and when the Magna Carta was signed or the imagery and structure of John Donne's poetry within a few years of school, unless they become mathematicians or historians, etc. Yet, nobody would criticize the teachers or consider it a "failure" that the knowledge is lost. Our brains also operate on the "use it or lose it" principle. But people seem to think that since we all talk, all the time, then learning a different language should just happen... like you should be able to learn the words and fluency is yours. This, despite the fact that everybody has difficulty with foreign language and when we encounter someone who has a gift for it we are always impressed. Everyone acknowledges how difficult it is to learn a language which is not your own, but if people can't do it then it must be the teacher's fault. Okay, rant complete. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Tourist season...

Apparently, the sharp rise in gas prices hasn't prevented some from traveling to the City, including someone who rarely leaves Florida.

Actually, when I was in Belize earlier this year we took a couple of boat rides and saw a number of manatees. Usually all you saw was what looked like a dog's nose poking out of the water, but occasionally we saw them as they flipped to dive down. Pretty much just big, blubbery bags with poochy snoots. In fact, I believe that's the scientific name for them, too.

Helen Keller could have seen this one coming...

all that I've been saying about Iraq and civil war? It's the lead on Huffington Post.

Tinky Winky, SpongeBob, now even on Sesame Street...

the homosexuals continue to try to brainwash our children! (Okay, to be fair, she's supposed to be a girl, but c'mon. Tell me that there's not going to be some sort of right-wingnut backlash.)

Suri exists!

Eye witness accounts confirm, the mystery child has actually been born! I mean, I wouldn't trust Jada or Leah or Penelope, but I'm CERTAIN that BebeMoche is telling the truth!

PropheticCrocker

Back in March, on the 20th, I remarked that if the mess in Iraq (which we brought about) were recognized as a civil war that it would provide us with an excellent excuse to get out (like shameless dogs) and leave the mess for the Iraqis to solve (now that we've made it impossible for them to do so). Well, it certainly looks like we're edging towards that definition.

Another freaky occurrence...

My friend and I were strolling around Chelsea as we were getting reacquainted today. He'd asked me about one of my ex's, basically the first guy I ever got really hung up on who was the big one in my life before I moved to New York. I told him how he had contacted me once a couple of years ago when he was in town, how we'd had a really awkward meeting that just felt wrong, and how we hadn't had any contact since then despite the fact that I've been back to San Francisco regularly. We get one half a block further, and there he is. We stop, we chat, we do the same, awkward bullshit. Then my friend and I continue on, marveling at the workings of the universe.

A Very Good Day.

So the concert didn't happen... I mean, it did but the BF and I didn't go. The idea of waiting a couple of hours under the sun was enough to evaporate the BF's enthusiasm. As for my part, I met up with an old friend and we began to reconnect. After I wrote my last entry I began to reflect on how things had gone wrong between us. I realized that I had severed ties with him when I wasn't really thinking correctly about life. I mean, my complaints weren't invalid, but I didn't have all the facts. I decided to go this morning with an open mind and to communicate as honestly as possible about how I'd seen things between us. In the end, I was rewarded. In some ways, it's as if no time at all has passed, though obviously it has. But we spent hours catching up, telling each other where our lives were, just reconnecting. It was really, really good and I'm so thankful that I stopped to talk him last Monday evening.

And that's about as mushy as I'm going to get here.

BTW, my friend has appeared in previous stories, the most important being from April 16th, after BebeMoche decided I wasn't pulling my blog weight.

Looks like we like the French again...

Frickin' ridiculous...

Here comes the weekend...

Busy, busy weekend coming up... or not. Tomorrow a group of people is heading to Central Park for a free concert, which I will be going to as well. The concert starts at 3pm, but I have a morning appointment with a former friend. We haven't spoken in something like five years and we ran into one another Monday evening when I was returning home from the party. I have mixed feelings about our getting together. I had my reasons for ending our friendship and I'm not entirely sure that I want to renew it. Still, he and I have a lot of history, since high school, so I felt it was only fair to give things a chance.

On a lighter note, I encountered a link to this from Craigslist while randomly wandering through blogger's pages. It's probably not right for viewing at work, depending on where you work, and it's crude in a Fat-Bastard-from-Austin-Powers way, but it's damn funny. Apparently, Craigslist is expanding from jobs, apartments, and used crap... you can now locate really hard to find items there now.

Did You Know...

I love history, not so much the big events as the little elements of daily life. There's something intriguing in learning the historical context that gave rise to something like the child's rhyme "Ring Around the Rosie," which I'd learned was based on the bubonic plague of the Elizabethan era. (Apparently, I was mistaken.) I recently came across this, which explains the origins of the rhyme, "Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary." Icky, but interesting.