Ring! Ring!

Years ago, when I was still with the ex, I had just moved into a new apartment which meant getting a new phone number as well. Not long after our service was established, we started getting messages meant for the person who had our number before us. I believe that his name was Louis, and whoever he was, he clearly led an interesting life. One message informed us that our Ford truck had been repossessed. Once I had to explain to a lawyer that I was not Louis and that Louis' number was not longer Louis' but ours. I once got a message from "Carter" telling me the time, date, and location of the next "event," which, as my friend with very naughty proclivities explained to me, was a member's only sex party. I think the best message we got, however, came from some bank, I can't remember the name so I'll call them "Bank of New England." The voice of the woman leaving the message had a thick, Long Island accent and you could tell from her tone that she was tired and detached. She'd already left countless messages like this one and it was nothing more than routine for her... until she got to that one piece of information which made her pause, cough a bit and then rush it out a bit to quick, betraying her discomfort: "Hello, Mr. Lopez, I'm Shiela cawling on behalf of the Bank of New England regawrding a purchase you made earlier today at... Nasty Pig. You were chawrged $8.97 when it should have been $89.73 so the difference will show up on your bill as a separate purchase. Thank you and goodnight." One day, I'd like to meet Louis. You know... to give him his messages.

Funny!

Okay, so to be fair there should also be an Anatomy for Democrats. What would that look like... there would be no backbone in the face of Republican power grabbing, the head would either be buried in the sand or in the ass (not quite sure which), fingers firmly on the polls of the people...

BuddyCrocker Takes a Vacation...

We'll, not so much a vacation as the opportunity to work my ass off like a crayzeemuthafukkuh until I get all this year end shit completed. Until I'm done, you won't be hearing much from me... so don't give me a hard time about it, Fafe.

Opus Dei's Deception Revealed!

The Catholic sect Opus Dei has been making so much noise about a The DaVinci Code, saying that it's such a sinister and blasphemous portrayal of their particular group, that they're probably actually driving more people to see the movie. However, I believe, having seen The DaVinci Code, that I've uncovered their true intentions. Apparently, certain members of Opus Dei practice corporal mortification, self-flagellation and the like, to suffer as Christ did. I think that Opus Dei is raising the profile of this movie because watching it is pure torture and they want us ALL to suffer.

What a Colossal Piece of Shit!

I just saw The DaVinci Code, but what I thought about it is hidden in code somewhere in this post.

Less than 20 Teaching Days Left!

And that includes Spring Festival, on which I won't really be teaching, and the last day, which is universally recognized as a utter waste of everybody's time... so really, it's like 18 teaching days. Then it's a long stretch of summer days which will need to be filled with something... like travelling to Puerto Rico with the BF, stretching out on the beach, swimming in the sea, sleeping in until noon, you know, a really taxing schedule. I'm also planning on going to San Francisco for a couple of weeks and seeing my old friends, touring through Napa, going to Disneyland, etc. Now, if only I could get this time off with an investment banker's income, then I'd have something really enviable.

Actually, I do have projects I want to work on over the summer, it's not going to be pointless. Still, I'm looking forward to choosing my own schedule and being free from someone else's.

I hope my students won't be getting any ideas...

I read this story from the The Bondage File/ Weird News on the San Francisco Chronicle's website. (According to the chair of my department, it's also useful for the weekend quiz on NPR, for those of you who play along.) At any rate, a few middle-school girls gave their teacher cookies laced with Ex-Lax. The mother of one of the girls helped them to bake them, showing them how to crush the medicine, etc. How fucked up is that?! Obviously, the kids wouldn't have come up with the idea themselves. The most likely scenario is that the kids were talking about what a bitch their teacher was and the mother jumped in with the Hershey-squirt cookies. I'm just always so blown away by parents who are so morally bankrupt that they teach their kids to be assholes... but I guess I shouldn't be.

In Cute News, John Legend was on this season's final Real Time. I had no idea he was so very yummy!

BuddyCrocker NOT Blogging His Ass Off!

Freakish on so many levels....

So Burger King has a new commercial, which is just so.. meta. It's called "Manthem" and it's sung to the tune of Helen Reddy's "I am Woman." It starts off "I am man | hear me roar | in numbers too big to ignore | and I'm way too hungry to settle for chick food. | 'cause my stomach's | starting to growl | and I'm going on the prowl | for a Texas Double Whopper, man, that's good!" There are all these images of men asserting their manhood by throwing a mini-van over an overpass, a strong man pulling a truck, a man rejecting quiche. The message is clearly, "If you eat anything else you're a big wuss." It's really an astonishing example of legerdemain how they've turned this song, which exemplifies the fight for women to be seen as equals, into something which seduces men into making stupid dietary choices by threatening their manhood. I'm cofident that Bitch is on the job for some insightful commentary.

Synchronized Travel!

BebeMoche and the BF were in Miami at the same time! And, according to the information BebeMoche put on her blog, they were staying less than five miles from one another. Hmm....

New Addiction...

So I've discovered a new addiction. Of course I've know about podcasting, and I've downloaded a couple of programs but I haven't found anything that I've wanted to listen to regularly. Enter: the BBC and RadioFrance. Thank God that some governments think that state-run radio is worthwhile! The BBC has an impressive array of programs to download, including categories (on BBC 4) such as History, Science, and Contemporary Issues. Woo-hoo! Personally, I've loved the Reith Lectures, presented by Daniel Barenboim, about the function of music in our society.

I'm not a royal watcher but...

The daughter of Camilla Parker-Bowles recently got married and it was apparently a huge-ass, social calendar thing. An old friend of mine used to say that the princes ought to get down on their knees every night and pray to their sainted mother that they got her genes and not their father's horse-face ones. Well, it looks like Charles' DNA is asserting itself on William. Ouch!

And the mother was there with her stolen property... I meant to say "husband." It seems her head partially exploded during the ceremony.

And I thought he was out of touch...

Bush was interviewed on the German program Bild am Sonntag, saying that the highlight of his presidency was when he caught a 7.5 pound perch in his lake. At least he knows that that's about the best thing he's done in office.

BuddyCrocker Ponders a New Look...

There's been a lot written about gay men and beards lately. I mean, every couple of years I grow a beard for a few months, but over the winter there was a fad and mad amounts of homos were foregoing the razor. So I've been thinking, I'd like to grow a beard again, but I don't want to look like everybody else. Maybe, I should bring back something the world hasn't seen in a couple of years....

I'm off to keep the kids safe from wild animals...

The sevens every year go off on an overnight trip to a state park. Even though I SWORE last year that I wouldn't chaperone the trip unless I were actually teaching sevens, I was pressed into service this year. So this means that tomorrow night I will fight to sleep despite the kids talking in the other room. I'll watch as the reptile guy goes through his same schtick as he takes out the snapping turtle, the rattlesnake, the boa constrictor, etc. I'll help the kids sort through the sludge and slime to find the icky things that live in the rotting leaves at the water's edge. I'll eat WAY too many poorly cooked carbs. And the creme de la creme, I'll search my entire person for ticks when I get home. Jealous?

I finally relate to Madonna...

The Geiko gecko's cool accent makes me very jealous.

Does my blog look too wide in this template?

(Not my ass, silly!)

Television's twisted...

I sometimes tune into the WB show, Supernatural. Okay, I'm strong enough to admit it... Hello, my name is BuddyCrocker and I'm a sci-fi addict. This show, however, does not satisfy my jones. It's about two brothers who travel around hunting ghosts, ghouls, etc., (their time would be better served looking for the plot or the storyline). Every now and then their father shows up, all mysterious and male-bonding, and together they stick a vampire or something... whatever. So here's the twisted thing: the actors who play the sons are 12 and 16 years younger than the actor who plays their father. Of course, for television, everybody's got to be young and beautiful... even impossibly so. (Oh yeah, and the actor who plays the father is only two years older than me... which freaks my shit out.)

Brunch in Brooklyn

Yesterday BebeMoche and I took the subway into Williamsburg for brunch at the Williamsburgh Cafe. The cafe was cute, our server was perky and efficient, and the food was yummy. Unfortunately we were too early for the live gospel music. We had a viscous discussion about our love lives, our professional lives, etc. Then we walked around Williamsburg for a little while before heading back into Manhattan. I lived in Brooklyn for a couple of years, but I haven't been to Williamsburg for a couple of years. Now, when I was in college I loved going to the cafe with friends and hanging out for hours. And I still like to head over to my local cafe and spend time over a good mocha with a book and watch the people come and go. But I'm very glad that I'm over the need to be cutting edge... I was never all that good at it.

CDC Reports Epidemic in Williamsburg

The CDC (Centre du Dernier Cri) has issued a warning concerning an outbreak of communicable Hipititis in Williamsburg. The area of Brooklyn, located at the first subway stop out of Manhattan, has long been known as a fertile breeding ground for the spread of a particularly virulent form of the disease. Young adults between the ages of 20 and 30 seem to be most susceptible, though victims in their 40s are not unknown, (unfortunately, Hipititis in the older generation is less forgivable). Symptoms include: ostentatious dressing in second-hand clothing from overpriced vintage stores, affected posing with coffee, theatrical cynicism, an overaccumulation of funky accessories, heavy eye make-up (both genders), hats worn for "ironic dissonance."

Like a lone Rockette on the Radio City Music Hall Stage...

BuddyCrocker publishes his part of synchronized blogging... alone!